Happy birthday Mum

Mum always loved a good "chin wag" and being surrounded by her family and friends was when she was in her idea of heaven.

Last year, celebrations were low key. We had cake in the afternoon with everyone after school. There was no special effort made. It never occurred to anyone that this would be Mum's last birthday on this planet. Nearly all of her family have lived to ripe old ages, so it never even entered our minds that in just over a month Mum would be dead.

The word 'dead' is a word of such finality. There is no coming back from it, is there. It's not like 'asleep' where you know that it's a set amount of time and then life continues. 'Dead' is final.

Yesterday was not a good day for me. I had some personal appointments to attend and got some information that was not very positive. It sort of threw me for six. I thought I was smashing the growing old thing but it seems I have a lot of work still to do. It made me wonder if Mum thought she was smashing the growing old thing too. I wondered if she realised that she was dying in those last few moments and if she was panicking because she knew she hadn't fed the cat or made the bed. It's funny what you think of when grief strikes you. I'm pretty sure they were the last things on Mum's mind but then she was always very house proud...

So, today is going to be a shit day. But hopefully I'll get to spend some time with family to remember Mum. Maybe we'll go down to the cafe and have a strawberry milkshake together. She nearly always ordered one when she went there. Or maybe we'll just spend time together remembering our flossy Mother and wishing she was still here to give out hugs to her grandchildren and to have a natter with us as she tells us of her latest escapade with her flossy friend, Pat.

If anything has come out of this absolutely crap time, it is that you need to celebrate every day that you get to be alive. You need to appreciate all the people in your life that make you smile (even the ones who don't) and you need to make the most of your time here on this earth. Hug more, smile more, laugh more. Look up from your device and engage with actual people and the world around you. You never know what fantastical story you'll hear from someone who has a totally different experience of being on this earth than you. Be prepared to open your heart and let people in. Taking the time to have conversations can be such a healing experience for someone, so contribute to someone's healing by stopping to have a conversation. You never know what you may learn.

Don't let the people in your life fall by the wayside. Always, always put people first over material things. When we leave this earth we take nothing with us but when we put people first, we at least leave memories behind that can provide some comfort, so make that your legacy. Mum always put people first, sometimes to her detriment and she would often tell our family's history to complete strangers. For a while there, we had a saying, "To cut a long story short", which we would use with Mum because her stories often had many layers and detours. Oh how I wish I could hear one of those stories now...

So, happy birthday Mum. We love and miss you every day.

Until next time...