Let there be silence!

Isn't it lovely how families not only spread the love but also every cold and cough that goes around, and though I have tried very hard to stay away from all who were infected I have still managed to catch the dreaded cold or maybe just a severe sinus infection. Either way I feel very below par. This is my fifth day now of no energy and my third day of no voice. Things have been very quiet on the home front, both literally and metaphorically, and in some ways it has given me much food for thought...are there benefits of being in silence?

I like silence but if I'm honest I'm very rarely ever in silence. I always have music on or podcasts or sometimes the TV. I'll even talk out loud to myself if I'm working on an assessment to make sure that it sounds 'right'. Even in meditation I will have music or a guided meditation playing, or I'll be chanting. In fact, the only time I'm in silence is when I'm going to sleep. I am starting to think that maybe I am afraid of the silence or rather what I hear when it is silent.

So what do I hear when I stop all the noise? Thoughts. Every...Single...Thought. Could it be that what I'm really afraid of is my thoughts, going round and round, babbling on about all and everything? How do you ever get any peace? How do you quieten the mind so that you can just be? I tried breath work (my nose was too blocked for that to last too long), meditation (too unwell to really get the benefit of meditation) and just sitting outside listening to nature, but still my thoughts invaded my stillness, my need to just be. WTF! I had to ask myself, "Have my thoughts always been this loud or is it just because my ears are blocked?"

I had a lot planned for the last five days and yes I must admit that I am feeling mildly frustrated that falling ill has now put me behind in what I wanted to achieve this month, but anxiety inducing, this has not been, so I have to come to terms with the fact that maybe my thoughts have always been this loud and annoying; I just haven't noticed them unless I was feeling anxious. So how do I get them to stop?

Well, the answer is that you don't. Most meditation teachers agree nowadays that it is very hard to silence that voice in your head (that I like to think is attached to your ego). Mediation does help but so does focusing on something else, outside of yourself, like music or a conversation with a friend. Breathwork is good as well (if you can breathe through both nostrils that is). I'm reading a book - "The Untethered Soul" by Michael A. Singer which is about freeing "yourself from habitual thoughts, emotions and energy patterns that limit your consciousness". I've only just started but I think it may be just the what I'm looking for to get these thoughts to at least quieten down.

So for the time being I have to be content with just trying to ignore them. They're not really discussing anything of much importance but they do have a habit of being melodramatic, which if you pay them too much attention, can send you into a bit of a tizz for no reason. My thoughts also contradict themselves...alot! If they were a real person I think I would have ended our friendship by now.

If I go back to my first question about are there any benefits of being in silence, I would have to say that yes I think there could be many benefits of being in silence but at this point in time, I can't think of them because my thoughts are too busy filling my head with noise!! Breathe Amanda, breathe.

But seriously, being in silence can be very beneficial. It helps you discover a certain peace and serenity, and gives you a glimpse into a world where you realise we are all interconnected and one. It is beneficial for our wellbeing and breaks us free from the constant bombardment of social media and societal pressures. It's just unfortunate that right now when I need peace and quiet, that all I can hear is the natter of that voice in my head!

Until next time...

Photo Credit: That's Her Business - Unsplash