Mother's Day Musings.

Ugh! The day I have been dreading is here. It is the reason I have been avoiding shopping centres and emails. It is why I bought my Stepmum's present very early this year; to avoid all the Mother's Day hype!

I thought I was done with my "firsts". You know, first job, first car, first boyfriend. I'm fifty four so I thought I was pretty much done, but now there is a fresh lot of firsts that are much more sombre than the first lot and a lot more taxing on my emotional health. Since that fated day in October last year I have had many new firsts and I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy.

In December, we had our first Christmas without Mum. In January we had our first New Years. Easter rolled on through and it was relatively painless because we were never really big on Easter, so I could pretend that it was just another day but with chocolate. Now we are here; on the day we celebrate our Mothers and thank them for all that they have done for us. Yeah well, thanks Mum for leaving us in this eternal pit of despair. Thanks for leaving us with this feeling that life is a little emptier now you're not here to be a pain in the butt!

But seriously, this time last year I was getting ready to pick Mum up and take her to a lunch at a local pub with the family. I wonder, if I had known that it would be the last Mother's Day I would get to celebrate with Mum would I have made more of an effort; done something a bit more extravagant? I have been thinking about this a lot lately; when I remember something I did with Mum last year and I think if only I had known that she would be dead in a few months... I know I have to stop this line of thought otherwise it's going to make me a bit batty. I'm hoping it's something that happens just in the first year after their death.

Part of my belief system is that the true essence of us never dies. It is immortal and lives on through many reincarnations. Mum and I often debated over whether this was true or not. Mum was agnostic, particularly more so after my Stepdad died. She couldn't understand why God would take her husband away from her when they hadn't got to spend their golden years together. I told her it didn't matter if it was true or not. It is what I believed and that was enough.

Alos, because I see the spirits of deceased loved ones, I am often asked if I am told when someone is going to die or if I can tell my client when they are going to die. I am perplexed by this line of thought and usually, say something like, "Why the fuck would you want to know when you're going to die? Just go and live your life as if today is your last day!" Because that is all we are promised...today! So savour every moment that you get.

We all become complacent about this. We put off seeing people and doing things because we let the mundane get in the way of doing the things that make life a joy. I am especially guilty of this. I am the type of person who likes to do my chores and 'must dos' before I do the stuff I really want to do. I have to change this habit. I think I've told you in a previous post, but I hadn't seen my Mum for two weeks when she died and I will have to live with that for the rest of my life.

So, if Mum's death has taught me anything, it's that we need to do the things that make us happy...now...not tomorrow, or when our ducks are in a row. We need to spend time with the people who matter the most. We need to celebrate every milestone, every birthday like it could be our last because one day it will be.

Happy Mother's Day Mum xx

Until next time...

Photo Credit: Jess Madin