When life takes your breath away...

It has been over a month since I last posted a blog post and for those of you who know me personally, you will know that my Mum passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. Even now, a month later, I still feel like this is not real. Even through the whirlwind of organising her funeral and dealing with the flurry of activity that happens after someone's death, I still felt like I was doing all of it for someone else, not my Mum.

I have barely had time to breathe, to stop and think about the changes this will bring to my life. Changes I wasn't and still aren't ready for. Things like never seeing my Mum's face again or hearing her crack up at her own jokes. Never giving her a hug or telling her I love her. All these things I took for granted because I just couldn't fathom that my Mum wouldn't be around.

Death makes you think about what you're doing with your own life. How many precious hours have I wasted watching crap TV or working in job that sucked my soul dry. Death makes you realise that life can be so freaking short and really we need to make the most of the time we have here because we never know when it will be our time to go. Death is the one thing that we have no control over, when your time is up, it is up and no matter how many pills you take or how much exercise you do, nothing can change that. This is a contract that is not negotiable.

My Mum was very idealistic about life. She believed that we all deserved a chance at a good and happy life. She didn't want to believe that God, or whoever you believed in, would be happy to have any of us living life in pain or fear. This was something that we talked about many times. I told her my thoughts on life, love and the Universe and she told me she couldn't believe in a God who was mean and you know, despite all my experience and learning, I can kind of see her point.

The death of a loved one totally sucks. My family have had a pretty crap year this year and my Mum's passing was like the last straw. We are done! Yes, this has brought my sisters and I closer together than we have been for a long time (life gets away from you), but we are tired and heart broken and just need some respite from bad news and hardship. It is time for healing and rest; time for weaving our lives back to some sort of normality, whatever that may now be.

Until next time...

Mum and her girls. Photo Credit: Family member.